Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Bold and The Restless

Back in the day, I used to be an avid viewer of The Bold and the Beautiful. I swore it was the best comedy show on TV, but after a while we drifted apart, I got a life that meant I wasn't always home at 4.30pm on a weekday, and I suppose the comedy craving in my heart began to be filled with other things*. Happily, my life has done a 16 point turn and I now often find myself at home during the week.

So I managed to catch a few minutes of my old fave the other day and Jesus, Mary and Joseph it did not disappoint. I can't believe I managed to live without it for so long and still function normally. Quite simply folks, The Bold and the Beautiful is CHAMPAGNE COMEDY. I think the last time I watched it Stephanie and Eric were back together again** but this week they were having their 67th breakup conversation because Eric has fallen in love with someone else (again). The object of his affection is a newbie so I can't quite remember her name (Donna? Summer? something like that). Anyway, the fun really began in the next scene when Donna/Summer was having a talk with Stephanie's sister (also a new character for me). The sister was telling Donna/Summer to stay away from Eric and the threat she used was the most crazied, most marvelous thing I have ever seen. She informed Donna/Summer that she is bipolar, and if Donna/Summer doesn't leave Eric alone, she will stop taking her "happy pills" and come after her. Then she swallowed her tea, stood up, picked up the used tea bag and put it in her mouth and chowed down to prove that she really is crazy. Cut to Donna/Summer looking terrified.

On a little tangent, I think this is why the gun lobby is so strong in the US. Forget the old "Guns don't kill people, people kill people" - what about teabags as a threat of violence?

*Like my ex-flatmate GD who used fabric softener to wash the dishes for the week that I was not there to nanny him.
** For those unfamiliar with the show, Eric usually leaves Stephanie for Brook who, as the village bicycle, is his double daughter in law (having married both his sons, although one of them turned out not to be his biological son) AND the woman his granddaughter's*** two husbands had affairs with.
*** ie Brook's daughter. Yes, she reverse-Oedipused TWICE!!!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Kids These Days

I overheard this conversation in a shop the other day:

A: My little brother is having an Emo party for his 20th.

B: what?

A: You know, it's like dress up for him and his friends. They're all going to dress up as Emos. But he invited a friend who lives interstate and this friend obviously misread the invitation because he sent my brother a text the other day saying "I'm having real trouble finding an Emu costume".

B: Oh no!

A: So my brother sent a text back saying "Don't worry too much, just wear some black stockings and make a beak out of cardboard"!!!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I Am A Little Confuse

Oh Lordy. I am at the library - sadly, not the one I took that photo of the other day. I have spent the last half an hour trying to print two measly little pieces of paper. After being shown to the wrong computer, and then given the wrong instructions I finally actually managed to open the goddamn file. Then, of course there were "insufficient funds" on the plastic card that I had just had to buy and while I was finding out why that was someone jumped in front of me in the queue to use the printer. Because, naturally enough, the library has a fabulous hi-tech system where there are 3 different types of computers (some just internet, some word processing etc) in 3 different locations. There is another location in the library where the print station and printer is and two locations where you can put money on your card. I was a Little Confuse*. By the time I sorted out the problem and got back to the Print Station someone had snuck in front of me. Of course, it was a woman who had less of a clue than me being helped by a man who had a clue level somewhere between hers and mine. And she had to print $10 worth of stuff. So here I am with my bits of paper. The only upside is that in all of the confusion they didn't charge me the $3 I was supposed to pay to use the (second) computer.

Time: Library =1, Zosia =0
Money: Library =0, Zosia =1
On the Spot Made Up Cocktail Recipes: Library =0, Zosia =1

That means I win!

*The Little Confuse
1 part Cointreau
1 part honey vodka
2 parts soda water
chopped up pieces of any fruit you can find

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Ideal Health Department

As you can see from the writing on the top of the doorway in this picture, this is a Health Department.
As you can see by looking a little further down, this is the most important part of any Health Department, and where you will find me if you are looking for me.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Things I Think Someone Should Invent

Wasabi flavoured chips

Email etiquette books, magazines and/or pamphlets

Something to keep the cuffs of your pants dry when you go out in the rain

A nose plug to cover bad smells in public the way an ipod and headphones cover annoying conversations and whining children

A world where "wasabi" is in the spell check dictionary