Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Bitter, Twisted, Secret History Of Me

"When I began yelling obscenities at the characters in boring ads on TV, I realised that I was at the wrong end of the gin glass, and had become bitter and twisted."

I wrote that a few days ago and since I was at the bottom of the gin glass when I did, I never bothered to finish it off. Lately I have managed to keep the obscenities to a minimum, and mostly confined to characters on TV shows rather than ads. I think I have shown remarkable restraint. There are some terrible ads out there.

But onto other matters: of what has my life consisted recently? Three things mainly, which are 1. my thesis chapter draft, 2. The Secret History (Donna Tartt) and 3. Australian Idol.

1. The less said the better, but I submitted it this morning.

2. This book is gripping, disturbing, well written and very long. I am close to the end but have had to set it aside for a while because it is getting under my skin, and making me want to emulate the main characters which would entail the study of ancient Greek, being slightly drunk all day long and murdering my annoying but somewhat endearing classmate named Bunny.

3. I have a deep and abiding intense dislike (I was going to write hate, but that is quite a strong word, best reserved for extreme cases) of Carl The-Judges-And-I-Think-I-Am-The-Next-Michael-Buble-So-We-Collectively-Ignore-My-Inability-To-Sing-In-Tune-And-General-Lack-Of-Musicality Risely. I mean really, that scatting is completely dire. I think my 65 year old neighbour Shirley could put more swing and conviction into it. And the fact that he puts it in every song no matter what it is shows that he is a man of very little brain, and can only handle one idea at a time.

I'll try to save my Idol rants to one person per post, in the hope that by spreading it out I will look less bitter and unable to manage my anger.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Liquid Lunch For Me Thanks Mrs M.

Yes that's right folks - I actually had a liquid lunch yesterday. A gin and tonic to be exact.
It was all down to a hideous shift at the bookshop. (There are only two things that drive me to drink, the other one is my thesis...ok, also mumble pants*, so that makes three, oh and I guess turquoise coloured skinny jeans on pimply 'yooouths', Bindy Irwin...)
Anyhoon, to be fair and precise, I should explain that as my shift started at 12 I ate before that so my 'lunch break' was at about 3.30 and I wasn't really hungry. But I really needed that drink.

* For those who may be unfamiliar with the term, mumble pants are very tight leggings. Why are they called mumble pants? Because you can see the lips moving but you can't hear what they are saying.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Whoops - I forgot the trams. Beep beep!

I Heart San Francisco

I like big butts and I cannot lie... this first pic is from The Mission - very funky precinct in San Fran, and I hope that it is obvious that, yes, it is butt implants. Sort of like a padded bra, but for the J Lo wannabes of this world. Stoiylish.
Second pic is also the Mission; I like the way the trees are nicely lined up with the windows of the building behind. (I am very conscious of the fact that I take pretty sub-par photos, so am quick to self-congratulate on the smallest but of artistick-ness...)
Third pic - Alison was the ever-patient guide, hanging around while I took snaps of buildings. Snaps to her.

Compadre Padre, or How I Wish Individuality Was Not The New Conformity

I am afraid to say it, but individuality really is the new conformity (I didn't make this up, it's a book that I am reading). Over the last few days I have been doing lots of blog browsing, and only recently realised that if you view someone's profile you can click on anything they have entered and a list of all other blogs with the same entry will come up. It's nice to know that 1000 people like my favourite book, and 2,500 like my other favourite. But I realised that it's all about trying to be an individual within a morass of same-same when I noticed that 12 people have listed "maintaining my sanity" as an interest, and 54 "watching the world go by"*. I think that a level of comfort comes from knowing that you exist among a likeminded (virtual) community, yet there is something unique about you. For instance, although my literary tastes are not terribly individual, I am so far the only blogger with an interest in pear flavoured vodka. I am sure this is only a matter of time though; it's a new flavour.

Anyhoon (I just invented that word - trying to be an individual by increasing my idiolect) on to the first part of my title. Compadre Padre (never studied Spanish - no idea if I have spelt that right) is what I have dubbed Pastor John Wiuff from Oregon - he and I are the only two bloggers with an interst in "real tea". I am sure he is a lovely, Goddish man but a glance at his blog was enough to scare me into doing some work on my thesis, and to contemplate giving up my fondness for real tea.... well I suppose I could just call it "leaf tea", then our blogs would no longer be linked.

He has called his blog "Crossview" and no, it is not the vista of an irritable person a al Grumpy Old Men, it is indeed the view from a cross. Let's not forget that there is more than one person who has been crucified. Are we supposed to assume he thinks he is Jesus - surely a problem for the hardcore Christian community to swallow - or that he thinks he was one of the robbers(?) who was crucified next to Jesus? In a way, this choice of blog title reminds me of Trinny and Susannah. Just like some people on their show who follow the letter of the rules but entirely miss the spirit ("but it's got a nipped in waist" "yes, but it's ugly!") he has chosen some element of Christian paraphenalia to use, but not really thought through the consequences. Anyway, oops I mean Anyhoon - I'll stop my ranting now to go away and contemplate some alternative blog titles for the Padre.

*including a dog blog, written by her She Boss.

PS a little pimp for my site (and I mean pimp in the promotion sense, not in the MTV "make glitzy" sense, which someone used in an essay I marked last semester): down the bottom of the page are some links to more time wasting opportunities

Sunday, September 16, 2007


Here are some buildings around Mexico city.
Soon to follow will be trams and stuff from SF.


This is me and Megan enjoying breakfast in the cool little cafe a few minutes walk from our hotel in Mexico City. Note the limes and green pepper sauce.

Friday, September 14, 2007

New Look

I think I prefer the dots, but I felt like a change so I'm going with this layout for a while.
Is it too boring?

I also want to add that I have finally managed to be busy enough to do some real procrastination, and as well as all the little extra doobies I have put on the blog, like extra details on my profile, I have at long last linked my camera up to my computer. I added a few pics to my House Party entry, so you can all see the bowl-on-head incident for yourselves. I will add more pics of my travels in the coming days, in no particular order.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

A Cleavage Occasion

Apologies to my regular readers - as I suspected, I have become so obsessed with Trinny and Susannah that other activities (cooking, eating, blog-writing, study, sleep) have fallen to the wayside. It has all been worth it though, because I am able to share a fabulous quote, and I know that if you have big boobs you shouldn't wear crochet or stripes, and you need to make sure you chose pants that don't make your bum look square, flat or wide.
Anyway, the quote: Trinny was asking a really old lady about the clothes worn by her employee, and asked her if she ever showed any cleavage. The old lady's response (in a very posh voice) was "Well, I think you need an occasion to show cleavage...we don't have many cleavage occasions here".

Monday, September 10, 2007

Care Factor: 0

I have arrived at the bookshop and realised that my care factor is so low it wouldn't appear on a scale. I am supposed to wear all black but today, for the first time, I am in jeans because I can't be farquared.
But I did have a revelation on my walk up the hill: Internet dating is like shopping for clothes in a catalogue. It's perfectly fine if you don't really care whether or not your clothes fit properly, or if you live in the country.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

A Word From Beneath The CEPA Sign

Ah ha - I have figured out who the sign on the bridge was for, but unfortunately it was to no avail. It was to remind George Bush where he was. Annabel Crabb in the SMH has collated some of his choice quotes from his time here including the one where he praises John Howard's hosting "the OPEC Summit". To further prove that he has absolutely no idea where he is (although, as we have just learnt, a sign saying SYDNEY AUSTRALIA on the Opera House probably wouldn't have helped much), he congratualted Howard for visitng "the Austrian troops" in Iraq.

Friday, September 7, 2007

The Knowledge is already in the room, it just needs to be shared...

Thankyou Channel 7

Thankyou Channel 7
Something wonderful happened last night - Channel 7 screened back to back episeodes of The Ghost Whisperer. Something that I have not actively tried to keep a secret, but have certainly avoided advertising, is my morbid fascination with this show. I know that it is terrible. It is terrible in a way that surpasses most crap that we excuse ourselves watching because it is crap, like the OC or Big Brother. But there is somehow something totally arresting about watching a twittering boney idiot ((Julia Love Hewitt - any relation to Lleyton, I wonder?) with eyelashes almost as thick as she is giving heartful words of wisdom to sad, distressed people, who are a mixture of alive and dead. I also like the fact that her husband is called Jim Gordon, and Juliet's boyfriend from Center Stage is also called Jim Gordon. The actress who played Juliet was once a bitter, dead bride on Ghost Whisperer, who would not let her man remarry.... anyway, back to why it was so wonderful of Channel 7 to screen a double episode - I got sick of it! It worked as some kind of immersion therapy, and I turned it off before the final character (an Autistic man who kept banging wooden xmas decorations on the floor) had "crossed over". And apparently he won't have Autism in heaven, or I should say "in the light". I have finally had enough, in the way you feel after eating too much chocolate, and can now focus my attention more fully on What Not To Wear.

What Have We Learnt From Foxtel This Week?
Well I realised something that would be difficult for most Australian free-to-air-only viewers to notice, unless they had spent some time in the UK. And sort of like how Aussies who lived in the UK during the mad cow years are unable to donate blood, this would possibly be noticable by Brits who spent time in Australia in the 90s. So what was this amazing feat of cross cultural understanding? The opening notes of the Banana commercial (you know - the "make those bodies sing" one) are the same as the opening notes of the theme song for Eastenders.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

My Cold Remedies

A propos of nothing in particular, I felt like sharing some recipes:

My current favourite is a variation on the Hot Toddy
Lemon Scented tea
milk (if that's how you normally have tea)
2-3 cloves
spoonful of honey
dash of honey vodka

The Hot Toddy is as above but Scotch instead of vodka, a slice of lemon instead of the tea, and no milk.

As you can see, I favour the alcoholic approach to colds, in the belief that it will possibly kill some bugs but failing that will probably make you feel a bit better, at least temporarily.

These are good At Home drinks. If you have to go out, I suggest vodka cranberry (or a cosmopolitan if you feel like being fancy). All the vitamin C in the cranberry juice will have you feeling better in no time.

One Two Three

1. I wonder if fat people realise that every time they walk down the street they are in danger of being filmed from the neck down, and then having that footage screened on some current affairs or news program? It's usually to do with heart conditions, clothes sizes etc but almost any excuse to show people walking around is good enough, and unattractive torsos and legs seem to be the best type to use. I just watched a report on sleep depreivation, and once they got bored using the footage of a (fat) person in bed, they moved to people walking on the street. "What does that have to do with sleep deprivation?" I hear you ask. Well I am not quite sure, but I suspect nothing.
I also wonder if people ever recognise themselves...

2. And another thing - APEC is pissing me off. There have been helicopters circling all morning and they are loud and irritating. Plus, they put the big sign on the bridge the wrong way around - it looks backwards to me and surely it was put there for me and other tower residents? Who else would it be for? Not the people attending, because they already know that's what they are here for. If they haven't figured that out, then they are obviously a little slow, in which case I would be concerned that confusion may ensue. They'll be thinking APEC is an Aboriginal word for bridge or something.

3. And finally, I am celebrating the fact that I just finished reading one of the most BORING articles I have ever had to put myself through trying to absorb, and that includes the semester of politics I did in third year. It was about defining "moving picture dance" and the guy spent about a page and a half arguing with himself (and other people not present in the room - does that make him crazy?) about whether or not a TV screen is actually a screen.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Lazy Sunday

Two things of interest happened today:
1. I got an official report, and No Name and Name Withheld have No Chemistry, so there is No Relationship.
2. I discovered a website that is a beacon to the pursuit of scholarly yet useless information. If you want to learn how to say squirrel in almost any language (including Basque,Cherokee and Klingon) visit this site: