Monday, February 25, 2008

In Celebration of Other People

Highlights from the past week's reading and watching, with Felix and Zosia.

Favourite blog moments:

"Having testicles is like being chained to the village idiot" (

"I did two AFD last week. Wasn't that bad. On the third day, I had a six pack of Coopers to celebrate my sobriety". (Femikneesm in OMel's comments).

Favourite TV quote:
"I'm so excited. I have no idea what it means but I'm thrilled". - David Stratton from The Movie Show on the news that The Movie Show is now available as a podcast.

Worst Final Line in an Academic Book:
"Since that is pretty much the position from which I started this book, I think I should conclude right here" (Dunne, Michael, American Film Musical Themes and Forms).

Best Final Line in an Academic Book:
"men are crap" *(ed Bennet, Shank, Toynbee, The Popular Music Studies Reader)

*Disclaimer: The author of this blog wishes to inform readers that the above quote may not necessarily apply arbitrarily to ALL men, although it is intended to express what the author will refer to (in drawing on the work of Stewart) as "truthiness". Depending on your own particular model of man, results may vary.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Old vs New

Is it wrong to compare people? If it is, bad luck. Here is a brief list of the old versus the new flatmate
GD= old, CC = new).


I can tell CC is going to be fantastic blog fodder (in a good way). He is very quotable. For example:
"What's the girl with the bears? Is it Goldilocks?"


Me: "I find your homophobic comments very difficult and upsetting to deal with"
GD: (perplexed) " but you like Will and Grace!"

Me: "Can you please pull your weight and wash the dishes more often?"
GD: "But you work from home so you can use washing the dishes as a procrastination technique"


CC spontaneously breaks out singing a song and clicking his fingers like a Jet or a Shark from West Side Story. This comes amidst a discussion of the relative merits of Leonard Bernstein as composer, and Stephen Sondheim as composer/lyricist.


GD likes to throw things off the balcony and watch them drop.


CC offers to switch gender on occasion if necessary in order to become a girly shoulder to cry on


GD leaves furniture in the apartment after he has stopped paying rent, and is indignant when he is informed that it has been moved.

Final Results:

This clearly demonstrates CC is the winner. Yay!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

One Ish, Two Ish. Red Ish, Blue Ish

My friend had a Polynesian themed party a little while ago. Since she has postgraduate qualifications in Party Organisation, and a graduate diploma in Use of Food Colouring among her achievements, it was great. Plus, there was a pool. But the theme, I have to admit, was really Polynesian-ish. As well as grass skirts, and lots of pineapple and sweet potato, the key points of the theme slid into other areas. There were pina coladas which I think are really Hispanic-ish. Somewhat inexplicably, there was a rousing rendition of that Aqua classic "Barbie Girl" sung in Dutch, to the delight and amusement of the crowd. But the point of all this dissection is that I have a question, only mildy related to the example of the Polynesian-ish party that I provided mostly because I can write about anything I want to and that seemed as good a topic as any. My question is this:

If you're Jewish does that mean you are sort of Jew? The same goes for Swedish, although that gets trickier. Are you sort of Swede, meaning a bit like a turnip, or sort of Swed, which means something else but I have no idea what.

Ok, maybe I have more than one question here. If we take "ish" to mean "sort of", does that mean you could safely say you are Swedish because you have watched a lot of Ingmar Bergman films and you are quite tall with a bit of a tan?

And what on earth to make of the word "fetish"? Oh, crumbs!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Dysfunctional Bands

I have a nemesis.

Although I don't particularly like him (that sort of being the point with nemeses), I do rather like that fact that I have one.
Why is he my nemesis?
Because he is my antagonistic opposite - in some ways we are similar and in others we are totally different. We started our PhDs at the same time, but the big difference there is that he had a scholarship and I did not. Although I had less money than him, he complained about being poor and I did not (Well, ok, I did complain, but whatever. Not as much as he did). The point is, he is annoying. But in a rather funny way, which I will now demonstrate with this little story.

Nemesis was in a band, and was telling me in the postgrad room one day how he had been recently ejected from the band. He was quite pissed off. What he found most galling was the fact that he had only ever joined the band to begin with as a favour to his friend. This apparently meant that his level of commitment needn't be as high as the other members, because they were lucky to have him!

I asked Nemesis what reason they had given for kicking him out, and he said that one of the complaints the band members had was that he arrived late and left early to rehearsals. This is something that would probably really annoy me if I were in a band, so at this point in the conversation I said something thoughtful yet noncommittal like "Oh" . Nemesis, however, had a water tight reason for this behaviour: "I live the furtherest away! That's why I leave early"... Like it was the most obvious thing in the world...

I really didn't know what to add at this point, so we turned back to our computers, but Nemesis was thinking of other things, because a moment later, he turned to me and said, in a thoughtful tone "You know something? That is actually the fourth dysfunctional band that I have been kicked out of." Wow, fancy that.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Wrongo Bongo

According to music top ten reviews website, Jack Costanza's album Mr Bongo is rated 365,332 of 454,843. I quite like a bit of bongo in its place. Its place, however, never was and never will be anywhere near the building in which I live. This is unfortunate, because one of my nbeighbours clearly has different ideas. Which would be ok if this neighbour happened to be "Mr Bongo himself - Jack Constanza". Alas, no.

According to me, my neighbour's live rendition of traditional and contemporary bongo ballads is 454,843 of 454,843. Given that the bongo only has two pitches available to this mystery player, it is a little difficult to tell what the songs are that he is playing. However, due to my very mild super power in musical abilities, I am able to tell that what might sound like "ti ti ta ta, ti ti ta ta" to the average listener is, in fact, "Lady in Red". Similarly, "ta ta ti ti ta ta ta" is actually a badly rendered version of "Oops, I Did It Again".

Oh no, what fresh hell is this? S/he has just launched into what - going on last night's antics - will be a complete run through of Sergio Mendes and Brasil 66's Beatles covers.

.....EDIT: Aaaaaigghh - the theme from Friends!!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

My Favourite Skanky Quotes From Movies and TV; One For Every Occasion

Need clarification on the weather? Try this quote on for size:

[Girls of the Playboy Mansion]
"It feels extra Versaille-ish because the weather doesn't feel like California right now"

Tired of the same old insults? How about a new one:

[Flavor of Love 2]
"Nibbelz is dirty, she's trashy, she's slutty. There's something really, really... gutterbutt about Nibbelz.

Looking to justify domestic violence? Go no further than this 1956 marvel of the silver screen:

“He’s unhappy ‘cause he ain’t workin’. That’s why he hit me on Monday”

Or how about a justification for bigamy, based mostly on geography:

[Paint Your Wagon]
"And if two partners want to share the same wife, why not? This aint Michigan, it's gold country."

Friday, February 8, 2008


Names For Thai Restaurants You Probably Won't See Any Thaim Soon:

Thaim Management

Thailed Floor

Thait Ass

Too Thaird To Cook

Rubber Thair

You're Not My Thaip

Thaiping Pool

Thaid Down


Thursday, February 7, 2008

I Have a Low Spam Count

There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it, but I have never received much spam in my email accounts. I currently get on average one a week, or less, which is a huge jump from one every 6 months which was normal for a long time. So it was with great excitement that I checked my junk folder this morning to discover a message from Xiang Fritchley. Mr Fritchley is something I have heard a lot about but never experienced for myself - a man offering to enlarge my "d1ck to unprecedented lengths". I don't have a d1ck, otherwise I would certainly take him up on his offer. I wonder if he offers the same service for brea5t5.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Sydney, What Can You Learn From Melbourne?

Good coffee should be available everywhere, not just in two suburbs. While I appreciate Sydney's many culinary delights, most of the coffee here sits on a scale somewhere between Average and Crapola.

Smart Casual can be more than just a pink t shirt with the collar sticking up, and a pair of sunglasses perched on your head.

Get proper gutters. Sydney may have 300 days of sunshine a year* but that leaves over two months worth of days when it rains. And guess what kids? It often rains A LOT on those days. New South Wales may be in drought, but that is just farms and dams. In the city of Sydney, it rains, and it rains A LOT.

Trams. They go "ding ding!" and somehow seem cooler than trains and buses.

Gangland Murders. Can you sex up your crime a little bit? Someone getting gunned down in a pizza parlour off Lygon St is so much more stylish than someone being bashed outside a nightclub by hooligans.

Get proper gutters. The whole point of this post was to rant about the stupid, shallow gutters because I got very wet on several occasions this week.

*I got this statistic off the telly, so it must be true.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Dear Natalie Bassingthwaite

Dear Natalie Bassingthwaite,

I have never really been a fan of your work, but things have got to the point where I really feel I need to pull you aside to have a word.

Let's get the ancient history out of the way first. I am not a fan of Neighbours so of course you pissed me off there.

When you joined The Rogue Traders they turned to shit.

Then you got your first stint at TV hosting, in the form of Girlband (a TV show nobody has heard of except those people who have listened to me explain it). You were crap. You read all your lines as though you were reading a Shakespeare play to a bunch of 7 year olds, putting emotion into phrases that deserved none (eg Melancholy while saying "the girls have recorded their first song").

You're doing that again now on So You Think You Can Dance Australia. It's irritating. It's nauseating. It fills me with murderous rage. But what I really can't stand is how you are the best friend and confidant to all the contestants. What about a bit of professional distance? You really, really need to stop hugging people, and giving them words of (empty) advice when they cry.

Please just stick to Neighbours, because I don't watch it so you can do what you like there without bothering me. Or if you like, you could co-host Gardening Australia, because I don't watch that either. Thanks.

Love from Felix for Zosia

Monday, February 4, 2008

A New Kind of Dickhead

I am upset at the poor quality of daytime television currently available. I just watched a minute of a handy-home-hints style malarky, and the handy tip was for if you are ever in the middle of washing your face, and realise you have forgotten a scrunchie to tie back your hair. Now, I'm sorry, but I would think that the hair getting in your way might possibly be a rather large reminder that you need something to tie it back with, and I can't imagine that you wouldn't notice that before you get your hands wet, but that's just me. So, in the unlikely event that you are merrily washing your face, and are suddenly astounded with that pesky hair getting in your way, and you realise you have forgotten to bring a hair tie to the bathroom, the fabulous tip of the day is - use your underpants! Oh my god, what a brilliant idea!

Several disturbing questions are raised by this, but I'm not going to spell any of them out.