Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Why Is Everything So Hard?

Ok, there is a lot of really shitty frustrating stuff in my life right now, but I have realised that there isreally only one thing that needs to happen which will fix almost everything:

Breed square pigs.

I was making a ham sandwich the other day, and my piece of ham came in a big, double smoked, fatty circle of meat. My bread was square. The two shapes did not fit and I wasted precious seconds (that could have been used more efficiently, like by coming up with a cure for cancer or something) folding and ripping the ham to fit on the bread. If the ham came in a square shape to begin with I would have produced a delightful sandwich AND discovered the cure for cancer and the reason this didn't happen is all the fault of the lazy, dullard pig farmers who need to get their shit together.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

I Speak A Clear English

I love to search the job ads when i can't think of anything to write on my blog - it is so easy to find material. I am just going to cut and paste this one as I think you can't mess with genius and it's perfect all on its own":

Profetional Food Runner

Must have worked at least five years in hospitality,if not we can provide you with a certficate trought Tafe if u r Australian resident .If u r not u must have working visa and have a great knowledge of the itlian cuisine
Must have a good understanding of English and speak a clear English.
We need a long therm commitment from who takes on the job
If u r a team player send in your resume

Also, if you are semi-literate in at least one language (it doesn't matter which one as we won't be able to understand you anyway), we'd love to hear from you. Must be a team player, dynamic, able to work as part of a team, dynamic, dynamic and knowledgeable in either basic food preparation or sewer drainage.