Monday, February 21, 2011

Girl Power

As I lay in bed staring at the ceiling the other day, I got to thinking about how the feminists are leaving too many stones unturned. The battle for changing "manhole" to "personhole" has, I feel, been lost but that is no reason to give up the fight for equality on other words. Perhaps more women would take up a person-dolin than a mandolin?

Further to this, why are there not cuntroaches as well as cockroaches? While I know that a rooster is male, surely the noise it makes ought not be gender specific, so I encourage all and sundry to do away with "cock-a-doodle do" and instead embrace (at least 50% of the time) "cunt-a-woowoo do" or, if you prefer: "cunt-a-front-bottom do" or "cunt-a-vajayjay-do".

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

What's The Matter Walter - Chicken?

I think I am fairly balanced and fair, and I wouldn't call myself a snob or anything, but I have to say there are loads of things better about PoPo, our new hood, than the shit-encrusted, poxy rat-hole we lived in before. Ok, maybe I am being just a tiny bit dramatic. In actual fact, I can only think of two things that are better in PoPo: real estate agents and chicken carcasses. Other than that, things remain largely unchanged in my lifestyle.*

But I don't want to give the impression that these are minor changes, because not having to deal with Walter the Farting Dog (our former real estate agent) has put years on my life. As for the chicken carcasses, well... I could explain that one but it isn't quite so funny.

*Usually this word means one of 3 things: homosexuality, sexual promiscuity, or interior design. I just want it to mean "the style of my life".