Sunday, January 31, 2010

All-Time Bestsellers

On Sundays, it is my job to produce a bestseller list from the previous week's sales at work. I thought I could employ some timesaving nous and I have come up with a long-term bestseller list that will serve for many weeks without having to be changed. This will give me more time to stare at the walls and think about shoe grip, chocolate body paint, Britney Spears' devolution into craziness, and other similarly important things. I had the help of a fellow staff member*, who suggested the categories to replace the more usual Fiction/Non-Fiction binary. Here it is, the Almost Perpetual Bestseller List:

1. The Art of Hornet's Nests - Dalai Larsson
2. The Girl With The Happiness Tattoo - Dalai Larsson
3. 1001 Coming of Age Stories to Read Before You Die - Various
4. The Girl With The "Free Tibet" Tattoo - Dalai Larsson
5. Mastering The Art of French Cussing - Naughty Child

1. Eat, Prey, Leave - Hannibal Lecter
2. Apples, Acne and Cholera - Alexander Marquez Smith
3. He's Just Not That Into You (Or Your Desire For An Equal, Adult and Mutually Fulfilling Relationship) - Hugh Hefner
4. The Satanic Fishes - Salmon Rushdie
5. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff: Use Deoderant! - Patrick Suskind

*But obviously all the really funny ones are mine.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

200-Mine: A Wrap-Up

Most Triumphant Moment of Traditional Gender Role Subversion I Witnessed:
My Cousin's two year old son throwing a tantrum, and subsequently being allowed to wear his younger sister's new pretty pink dress for about two hours on Christmas morning.

Best Text Message I Recieved:
Got the anchovies. Quit My job.

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Me. (who's surpirised??)
I could give myself this award many times over but I think my best performance was in continually finding different ways to avoid telling people who bought Hilary Mantel's Wolf Hall that I got halfway through and gave up because I thought it was crap and boring... cut off my legs and call me Shorty if I didn't just sell a copy of that book in the middle of sneakily typing this at work!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Desalination: Not a Laughing Matter

I was looking forward to my trip to the desalination plant with Tallboy and his family because I agreed to go on the condition that I enjoy free reign to write up the experience in my blog.

Once at the plant, we all got to wear hardhats and flurescent vests and stamp about gravelly ground in steel capped boots while looking at pipes and holes in the ground but I can't make that sound especially humourous. Essentially, desalination plants are not very funny. At all. The best I can come up with is to accidently on purpose leave out the "L" from time to to time and spent the rest of the post discussing desalination pants.

Desalination pants use a process of "reverse osmosis". After the desalination pant we went to a winery for unch. It was very peasant.