Wednesday, December 23, 2009

"Adelaide: No Convicts and No Fruitfly"

I am gearing up for a very exciting trip down to the land of no convicts or fruitfly. Tallboy's family are going to take me to a desalination plant. Details to follow.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Mobile Guitar Players: On The Move

On the weekend, Tallboy and I saw another mobile guitar player, but this one was about 3 suburbs out from where I live so I am hopeful that it is a sign they are migrating away from me. Today, I saw a small child walking down the street with a cardboard box over her head. It filled my heart with joy to know that the very young are able to make their own fun without the use of guitars.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Wilderness Society People Are ANIMALS

Scene: King St, Newtown. Felix feels an overwhelming urge to re-visit her breakfast in reverse, so sits down on a low brick wall and takes some deep breaths.

Unidentified Male: "Are you OK?"

Felix: "Yeah, I'm fine".

Unidentified Male: "Have you heard of us before?"

Felix: [looking up to see unidentified male is holding a clipboard and wearing a Wilderness Society t shirt] "well actually I'm trying not to vomit so I guess I'm not ok"

At least that got rid of him.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Handy Hint For Paul Wilson

Hi Paul, you seem exactly like the type of guy who would google himself on a weekly basis so I have high hopes that you will stumble upon this blog and although I will have to forgo anonymity I think the sacrifice will be well worth it. First of all, I should clarify here that the Paul Wilson I am talking about is the author of that famous tract "The Little Book of Calm" (as featured in the first episode of Black Books when Manny accidently swallows one).

Paul, when you are in a shop, it really isn't necessary to try to impress the people who work there. Even if you are in a shop that sells a product you create, like if you are an author who finds himself in a bookshop. Generally, people in retail are not that interested in their customers (A good rule of thumb to remember is that people in the service industries are paid to be nice to you. This should clear up a lot of things).

Beyond the fact that I was already pre-disposed to not being all that interested or impressed by you (see above), your attempt was really, really abysmal. Asking me if Bryce Courtenay has a new book out only so that you can then drop into the conversation "oh, he didn't invite me to his launch. I wonder why that was" was very clumsy of you. Obviously, Bryce Courtenay thinks you are a nob of no consequence which is why he didn't invite you to his latest book launch. Name dropping authors is kind of a waste of time with booksellers, and when you name drop and then proceed to reveal that you actually barely know one another is... well... in the words of that famous philosopher, Shania Twain, "that don't impress me much".