Things Men Don’t Understand (A List for Women to Laugh at and A Guide for Men to Learn From)

1. Vegetables. There are lots of them and they taste delicious. Sometimes, you can eat them WITHOUT MEAT!

2. Musicals. They are awesome.  It might seem like a ridiculous idea to make a movie that is full of people jumping up and dancing about the place while singing songs at you but, let’s face it, it is no less ridiculous than a movie with Will Smith and lots of bombs and car chases in it. In fact, try to imagine a car chase scene every time there is a song and you will find watching the movie an enjoyable and entertaining experience. It won’t make any difference to your understanding of the plot, either.

3. Clothes. One always needs more.  It is quite complicated to explain exactly why this is, and there are probably loads of fancy sounding theories written up by people who have above average intelligence, no social skills, and personal lives that are about as much fun as watching dust accumulate, since they spend all their time examining society instead of participating in it, but let’s skip the detail and put it under the category of Mysterious But Important.

4. Cheese. How did that get on the list? Everybody loves cheese!

5. High Heels, Makeup and Other Time Consuming and/or Painful Looking Feminine Miscellany. Women just do that shit because other women do it and they don’t want to be told they look weird/fat/butch/ugly etc.

6. Weddings. It’s all about being the centre of attention in a huge dress. If anyone can come up with a different way to make this happen for a woman she’ll probably be perfectly content. Especially if the event also involves one or more people crying with happiness.

7. Crying With Happiness. Hmmm. This requires some thought. Please check back in a week (let’s be honest, I am never going to get around to figuring this out. If you come with a good answer then drop me a line and if it is funny, punchy and clever sounding I will write it up and claim it was my idea all along. Sound good?)