Things We Need More Of In This World:

Giraffes in leather chaps

Bilingual Jane Strikes Again

Bilingual Jane once had a housemate with extremely bad breath. It was so bad that, according to Bilingual Jane, it smelt like a dead animal. She didn’t realise for ages that it was his breath causing the smell because when he yawned or laughed it took a while for the smell to waft across the room. When people came to visit she mentioned the horrible dead carcass smell and often the visitors could smell it too. She had people hunting all over the apartment for the dead animal until one day it suddenly clicked. She had no choice but to back-pedal, saying that she could no longer smell the stench of rotting rodent flesh, because there is no nice way to say “when you open your mouth I can smell dead bunny rabbits”.

Jobless

So once again I am looking for a job in a sane workplace. I don't want to work anywhere that is "dynamic" (ie "we are a rapidly expanding, dynamic cardboard box factory") and I do NOT have a "can-do attitude". Also not keen on "vibrant" (to describe either me or the prospective workplace). This pretty much rules out everything.

Knob City

As previously mentioned, when it comes to putting something funny written by someone other than me (and without their knowledge or permission) on this blog I am an ethics free zone. This arrived in Crazy Town workplace the other day (names of people and places have been changed).

Dear Clyde,
In making this approach to you, I am shamelessly exploiting the fact that you know my father, Well Know Australian Author – and, indeed, the fact that I was a (very) young customer of your store aeons ago.

I have recently graduated from KA (Knob Academy) and am now embarking on my career as a professional Knob Head. Like all embryonic stars of stage and screen (!), I need a job. I am about to move into Crazy Town West and would appreciate an opportunity to discuss with you the possibility of casual/shift work at Crazy Town.

While my specific experience in crazy bookshops is brief (a stint of several months over Christmas in the book department of David Jones), my experience of customer service is quite extensive. I have worked to rigorous standards of customer service in a variety of settings (from hospitality to guided tours to office reception) – my resume, attached, has all the details. I am also passionate about books and literature, and indeed spent three years completing a Bachelor of Arts degree at Sandstone University (graduating in 2006) before training as a Knob Head.

I shall phone you in the next couple of days, to see when it might be convenient for us to speak. I look forward to meeting you.

Yours sincerely,

Knob FitzAustralian Author

PS Well Known Australian Author sends his good wishes to you and Major Dick.