Essay Gold

ESSAY GOLD

Huzzah! I have been promising this post to some people for a few days now. Here it is.

In case there was ever any doubt as to whether or not I have ethics, I will take this moment to clarify: I have no ethics. Here are some examples from the essays I am currently marking, that have caused much hilarity. I usually include a few ESL ones (unfair, I know, but as you may be aware, I have no ethics). However, this time I really didn't need to, the native English speakers did a great job unaided... [my comments in brackets like this]

Surfs Up might appear to be another penguin movie [yawn. The sense of ennui is overwhelming. ANOTHER penguin movie? you ask, despairing]

Like an instrument, sounds have their own specific timbre, for example, sparrows, and storms.

After two months under the constant care of his vigilant parents, and the constant kindly shelter of the nest, the cockatiel chick becomes a fledgling. His plumage fully formed, his legs strong, his eyes wide and bright, his beak and claws hardened, he sits resplendent and youthfully curious on the edge of his aboreal home. And there he contemplates the natural wonder that will one day become a daily occurance to him, the wonder of flight. So too sits the body of critical theory surrounding the analysis of film sound.

we personify all of the characters in the helicopters. [I *think* this one is supposed to be "identify with", but you never can tell]

[A word of warning. If this essay writer is telling the truth, I don't recommend you see the Transformers movie] The audience is left literally blown away by the creation of power and impact experienced by the mixing of the sound effects.

[Although if you are prepared to brave that, there are apparently some nice scenes for the gourmets and gourmands out there] ...in the dessert scenes of Transformers artificial winds and metallic rustling are used...

What upsets me about all of this is that for some of these kiddies, it is the last essay they will ever write, therefore, it demonstrates the pinnacle of their academic achievments.

What incredules* me is the number of people who make the cliched mistakes. I had 2 or 3 people use "wether" which they now know thanks to my caustic comments is a castrated male sheep.

• The author of this post reserves the right to invent words for purposes including, but not restricted to: amusement, clarification, obfustication and bloggolation.