I’ve decided that I am going to become an author. Here are my October New Release Titles:
1001 Animal Whisperer Stories To Read Before You Die
1001 ____-gate Scandals to Uncover Before You Die
1001 Vampire Stories To Get Sucked Into Before You Die
1001 Palliative Care Treatments To Undergo (Just) Before You Die
And if you are the person who stole Bilingual Jane’s cracked pepper at work then GIVE IT BACK YOU GROTTY LOWLIFE POO-BUM ARSE-WIPE FOOD SNIPE! Honestly, what kind of person would steal a condiment*?
*Obviously, I don't mean people who take little poackets of sugar from cafes because... like... everybody does that, right?