Thursday, September 3, 2009

How to Choose?

Guess what kids? I have found another crazy place to work (it might be sane but I am not expecting anything much these days)!! The only problem now is that I can't choose which resignation letter to use...

Dear Clyde,
I am writing to inform you that I have decided to resign from Crazy Town. The reason behind my decision is that I can no longer stand to listen to stories of your blisters or your grandchildren.
Sincerely, Felix

Dear Clyde,
I regret to inform you that I am no longer able to work for you at Crazy Town. I don’t have a really good reason for my decision to resign, except that I am an ungrateful churl who is selfishly ignorant of all the generous support you have shown me during my time as your slave – er - employee. I would like to take this opportunity to note the numerous times you (an innocent little lamb of a human being who only wants to help others) have been betrayed in such a callous and unfeeling way. For someone as astute, efficient and hardworking as yourself, it really is a mystery that this keeps happening to you. I would like to wish you all the best for the future of your business but I suspect that you will end up employing somebody else who will ultimately stab you in the back* for no discernable reason.
Reasonably sincerely, Felix

*”stab you in the back” being a synonym for “get another job” and also “use the sticky tape”, “forget to initial something”, “forget to empty the bin”, “send a text message on company time”, “not work fast enough”, “take a dinner break” , “breathe in the wrong way”…

Dear Sidekick of Clyde,
I am writing to inform you that I am resigning from Crazy Town. There are a number of reasons behind my decision but the main one is that I dislike you so intensely that I can hardly bear to be in the same room as you without shuddering. Please take this personally. I know that you take your role of Ogre/Manager very seriously and you do a really good job. You may or may not want to keep this up. I wish you a frustrating and mediocre future career, and hope to never see you again.
Regards, Felix

Dear Clyde,
I am writing to inform you of my decision to resign from Crazy Town. It has come to my attention that there is no such thing as a sarcasm font. I have decided to dedicate my life to developing one, and hope that you may feel proud that you were in some part an inspiration to the development and creation of this important work.
Regards, Felix

8 comments:

Naomi said...

Go, Felix! I vote for a collage of all four.

Jo said...

There is so a sarcasm font. It's the only one I ever use for typing.

Felix for Zosia said...

Thanks N, I will keep that in mind! I am resigning today la la la la la!!!
Jo - well now I can cross that off my To Do list for life.

i.hate.my.name said...

You will not have to get another job at another crazy work place if you invent a sarcasm font, you will be set for life.

That being said, I like the one to the sidekick best.

Nerd Girl said...

Number 3! It is truly fantastic!

Jace said...

Oh how I love this blog! How did you resign?? Please write another entry detailing how it went.

Felix for Zosia said...

IHMN - sigh. That would be 27 kinds of awesome.
Thanks N!
J - I have to admit (just between you and me) that I used another letter (and it went surprisingly well)... but for argument's sake let's say I used number 1 because then my next post will make more sense!

Felix for Zosia said...

IHMN - sigh. That would be 27 kinds of awesome.
Thanks N!
J - I have to admit (just between you and me) that I used another letter (and it went surprisingly well)... but for argument's sake let's say I used number 1 because then my next post will make more sense!