Dear Shoe Manufacturers of the World,
What the hell do you think you're doing? I'll tell you what it looks to me like you're doing: a damn awful stink-bomb scabby scrotum of job!Why are there so many ugly-ass shoes around, and what the hell is the deal with all the tassels? Don't you realise that nobody has voluntarily sought out tassels on their shoes since 1992 - unless they happen to be a 67 year old millionaire retiree looking for yachting footwear? It just so happens that I am NOT a 67 year old millionaire retiree but I AM looking for footwear. Can I find any? Is the Pope a Buddhist?
Feet are gross enough to start with, and the point of shoes is to cover up the ugly. There is no rule stating you can't cover ugly with more ugly but it seems kind of a waste of time and money to me. And why would you cover ugly with ugly AND TASSLES??
Quite frankly, Shoe Manufacturers of the World, I am underwhelmed. You have let down not only me, but all non-millionaire retirees who have not had their feet and/or legs amputated.