Deck The Halls

Dear Person Who Invented Industry Christmas Parties,

Thankyou!

What a truly wonderful idea.  I went to one last week and had my annual 3 minute conversation with a number of people.  Now I feel all virtuous, and chuffed with the knowledge that we don't need to speak again for another 12 months. Delightful!

Keep me posted on your inventions, especially if you come up with anything regarding annoying work colleagues.

Love, Felix for Zosia

This Just In...

Is my memory failing me, or did Whitney Houston used to be married to Australian Greens senator Bob Brown? Coz I also thought that he was gay... confused...

Sweeny Todd

The other day at work I was talking about a pub I had been to recently.  In trying to give an impression of what it was like I said "from the outside it looks like somewhere where you might get stabbed, but the inside is actually quite nice".  Without missing a beat, one of my colleagues said "is that Sweeneys?"

He was dead right, and the funny thing is, I still can't work out what exactly contributes to the general aura of "you-will-get-stabbed-ness.  I mean, there isn't even a sign that says "No shirt, no shoes, no service" which, I find, always flags concern.  I pass it on average about 4 times a week and have never seen any hideously drunk or injured people scattered on the pavement nearby, there's no 80s rock blasting from the interior, there are no bullet holes or broken windows... I guess it's just one of life's great mysteries.

I Am A Wanker Hipster

Yes kids, I'm sorry but I'm afraid it's true. For a while I thought I was safe from this peril because I don't have a beard and I don't wear my pants ever so slightly rolled up at the cuff but the evidence has been accruing at an alarming rate. Judge for yourselves:

1. I have an iPhone.

2. When I write "iPhone" I make sure to spell it with a small i and capital P

3. Much like Romy (or Michele) from the cinematic classic Romy and Michele's High School Reunion was "familiar with the entire Versace Line", I am familiar with the entire Apple line.

4. I own and listen to music by both Gillian Welch and Miles Davis.

5. I drink a lot of boutique tea and "good" coffee.

6. I live in Potts Point.

These things taken individually may only imply mild hipster tendencies; two or three together might still leave room for reform. Unfortunately, I crossed the line today and there really is no going back:

7. I have just ordered a new pair of glasses. The frames are made of acetate and cut with laser to look like wood.

If I wasn't so goddamn excited about my new purchase I would weep for what I have become. From now on, (whether or not I wear tan coloured brogues without socks, or weird, ugly, 80s-esque baggy clothes) I will be branded as a hipster like a deer is marked as prey by a hunter.