Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Jobs I Would Like If All Else Fails

Cackademia is a pooey place to be at times, especially when you know you are staring down the barrel of un- or partial employment after slogging your guts out for a number of years writing a thesis on something fabulous and world changing like 'Syntactic Analysis Of "The Ants Went Marching Two By Two"; A Post-Thoraxian Approach'

So far in my thesis, I am only up to the chapter on The Ants Went Marching Six by Six, but I figure now would be a good time to explore possible Plans B, C, D or E. I think it's a good idea to go for jobs that have some connection to your interests, or suit your personality in some way...

Jobs I Would Like If All Else Fails
1. Lion Tamer (I really like cats, and this would be taking my personal interest to the Next Level)
2. Vintner (self explanatory)
3. Tea Grower in India (I love tea. I can watch Bollywood musicals on my weekends)
4. Presenter on Playschool (get to do all the fun stuff like sing songs, do craft and read stories without any actual contact with any actual children)
5. Life Coach (I like telling people what to do. Not in a bossy way, but in a "I am so sagacious, you will be changed for the better if you follow my advice" kind of way. Other benefits for this job include a comfy armchair, and lots of thoughtful nodding)
6. Gorilla-gram (it can't be that hard)
7. Temp in a law firm (see 'my personal hero' link on juicebar's blog for details, but basically I think it would be cool to leave the office hours before the lawyers everyday, and feel a sense of pity for the overworked, underwhelmed mass)
8. Wedding Planner (I am a passionate advocate of reducing the number of instances when Pachelbel's Canon and Handel's Bridal March may be heard. I think I could do a lot of good work from The Inside)


Bemused said...

I'd take the life coach job. You pretend that you life is much better than others'...until you end up believing it.

Original Mel said...

As a temp in a law firm I think you are nuts.

Also, you clearly forgot my #! dream job - gossip columnist for New Weekly. I was always being told off for it at school, and to get paid for what I essentially already do with mates but on a larger scale would be wonderful!!

Felix for Zosia said...

B - I really feel drawn to a job where I can display a sense of smug superiority. I think it would suit me.

OM - point taken, I'll look into the gorilla-gram bizzo a bit more seriously.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I think being a wedding planner would be fun - save for all the anxiety if anything went wrong!

Felix for Zosia said...

But I think you could leave the anxiety to the bride, no?

Juice Bar said...

There is serious scope to combine some of those. For example, how about you come to India and we "grow tea" (ie lord over a large mountainside tea plantation with gin and tonics, while we berate the locals we pay 25 cents a day to til our tea for being lazy, "You just can't get good help for love nor money these days, cheers, sweetie") and run an online Life Sage Service on the side, even more believable, because you are enlightened, in India and have a passion for ethnic wear.

Felix for Zosia said...

Oh, good idea. Could there be lions at our plantation?

Juice Bar said...

Sure. If you're lucky, I'll even wear a gorilla suit.