How To Tell If Your Party Was a Success: A Layperson’s Guide

(if you can check at least three of the following off then your party has been a mild success. Over 5 and it was a great success. All 7 and you are a better person that I for you are a fabulous host AND you are modest because you didn’t boast about it on your blog)

1. Someone ditched a date to attend
2. Someone else flew in from Bhutan to attend
3. Follow up reports confirm that one attendee was so drunk she was unable to speak in the taxi home, so had to poke her companion (similarly so drunk that he was asleep) in order to get him to pay the cab driver.
4. The punch was replenished about 7 or 8 times, so much so that I am unable to provide one wholly accurate recipe… it started with mango puree, lemonade, pink champagne, gin, pear vodka, lemon juice, lime juice and white rum. Along the way we added (at various stages) tequila, ginger ale, orange juice, plain vodka, a tin of lychees and a lot of love.
5. There is a random character wandering about in utterly inappropriate attire. In this case it was a tuxedo, with a black hat pulled low over his eyes like a bootlegging gangster.
6. The kitchen floor is sticky, all the glasses you own are dirty and the bin is full 5 days before rubbish collection
7. Although plenty of wine, mixers and spirits were provided, the morning reveals a tub in the bathroom inexplicably full of beer and one bottle of champagne.

Bonus Point: Someone gets taken home in a wheelbarrow. (Alas, we didn’t receive the bonus point this time but I have managed to achieve it once before. It was many years ago now and I didn’t really realise at the time that I had attained a kind of party throwing nirvana, probably never to be repeated. I mean seriously, a frigging wheelbarrow!! At the risk of sounding like a 19 years old frat boy, that is so fucking cool.)