8 Mariahle

A recent discussion with NLJ featured mention of Eminem, who is apparently eating himself to death, one roadhouse steak at a time. Inevitably, we also discussed the Mariah/J-Lo spat, and, eventually, 'Glitter' which is Mariah's answer (or question, since I think it came out first) to Eminem's 8 Mile. So there we have it - 8 Mariahle.

This movie was a box office flop. Apart from Mariah Carey's heavy presence in the film, there are several problems with it. Here are the lowlights:

1. Marimba's are not sexy instruments. Using a marimba in the seduction scene is less believable than that chick from Big Brother who said "I'm actually really intellect".

2. Dialogue, for example: "This is not working. The glitter cannot overpower the artist".

3. The frequent foregrounding of a dreadlocked black man at a sound desk in an attempt to provide ethnic-based credibility to the film.

4. Mariah's eyebrows - more fake than her boobs.

If you saw this film, you will no doubt be aware that those couple of hours are ones you will never get back. If you haven't seen it, well all I will add to the above list is that she wears her hair in side ponytails a lot, mournfully tinkles the piano a couple of times, sits in the back of a few taxis, and sings a few songs. That's it really. Oh, and in a mildly interesting twist on the whole musicals thing, her mother is a drug addict rather than dead, so their reunion at the film's end replaces the normally obligatory couple reunion, and the love interest dies instead.