In my opinion, the greatest sin a person can commit is to be boring, and the second greatest is to be stupid. Which brings me neatly to the discussion of a certain relative who shall henceforth be know as Aunty BAS (Boring And Stupid). Aunty BAS lives in a town a couple of hours away from where I live, so I have been able to keep contact in recent years to a minimum but unfortunately, on my last day in Sadelaide, our schedules tragically aligned. Every cloud has a silver lining, and lucky for some of you, the silver lining this time is in the form of this post. Huzzah!
The thing about Aunty BAS is that she has the ability to talk at people. She does not have the ability to listen, except to her own voice (Indeed, she is so good at this, that she is even able to listen to her own voice when someone else is trying to talk). The down side for any poor soul who happens to be within shouting distance of Aunty BAS is having to suffer through some of the most boring lectures of all time, but the upside (silver linings seem to be a bit of a theme today) is that since Aunty BAS has not been blessed with the ability to ask questions, if you are ale to block out the drone, you don't really have to listen because no participation in the "conversation" is required.*
I will spare the blogosphere from detailing all of Aunty BAS's drivel, but would like to share one special story. Aunty BAS has an astounding memory, most often used to recount dull-as-dishwater details that nobody else bothered to notice the first time around. A case in point from yesterday's lecture was a reminiscence of her trip to Europe in 2003 or 4, as a Responsible Adult (ha) accompanying a troupe of Marching Girls (double ha). She went to Switzerland for a day. Daughter #3 tried to help in the list of people who also Went To Switzerland For A Day, but tripped up when suggesting that Margaret (whoever she might be) might have Gone To Switzerland For A Day.
Daughter #3: ...and Margaret -
Aunty BAS: No, no. Not Margaret.
Daughter#3: I was sure Margaret went too.
Aunty BAS: No. Margaret did not Go To Switzerland For A Day.
Daughter #3: Yes she did.
Aunty BAS: No, she didn't. Margaret did not go to Switzerland that day.
Daughter #3: Yes she did.
Aunty BAS: No, she didn't. Margaret did not go to Switzerland that day because her feet were playing up! Margaret's feet were playing up that day, so she couldn't have Gone To Switzerland. She stayed behind because she had to keep off her feet.
Next week - Catching a taxi to the Vatican because Margaret's legs were playing up, with special mention of how Margaret could not have managed to stand in that line because of her legs. They were playing up.
*Methinks I should introduce Aunty BAS to cardboard Steve Waugh. They'd get along well.